Misery Index

A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science.  The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.  These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.  However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.  A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to four years to complete when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 - 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.  In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.  This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

Governmentium is also sometimes mistaken for Administratium as they are the exact same thing however, at times the Governmentium has known to become toxic at any level of concentration and easily destroys any productive reaction when it is allowed to accumulate, thus the different name.  The element becomes extremely unstable when catalysed with money.  This nearly always results in the element radiating just as much amient energy, including a warming of oxygen, since it seems to have half as many peons, but twice as many morons.  Attempts are being made to determine how Governmentium and Administratium share a relationship and how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but to date, results have not been promising.

Further research revealed that Governmentium also occurs naturally alongside Capitalium, a lighter, but more numerous element.  Capitalium is compromised of a cloud of entreprenions, which are attracted to a core of opportunium, which was made stable by emissions from Governmentium.

Over time, Capitalium produces emissions of money, some of which is absorbed by nearby Governmentium.  Capitaliums will thus try to move as far away from Governmentium as possible.  But most of this money is transmitted between other Capitalium in what is known as the venture band.  These oscillations of money produces economyetic radiation, which attracts more entreprenions, and stimulates peons, but also attracts negative elements such as greedions and slackhyons which have been shown to have the temporary effect of increasing the flow of money into the venture band, which increasing their own energy.

However, as the flow in the venture band increases, the greedions and slachyons reach critical mass, and the flow of money becomes unstable and suddenly reduces dramatically.  Capitaliums spontaneously split from their now depleted Opportunium and evolve into Spend 0 particles, refusing to bond to any more Opportunium.  Any free peons in the region become immediately inert and begin to decay, but sometimes during the decay process, they are absorbed by Greedions and/or Slackhyons, forming anti-Entreprenions, which have the effect of destroying any Opportunium they come in contact with.

The state of all effected by this remains unstable for a time until the depleted Capitaliums begin to more closer to Governmentium.  When this happens, Governmentium undergoes a shift and emits a radiation known as bailout, which has the effect of released vast amounts of stored money in the venture band into Capitaliums.  This restimulates the Capitaliums and they once again begin to emit economyetic radiation, and also move away from Governmentium.

Interestingly, Governmentium can be formed by either the fusion of peons, or the fusion of Capitaliums.  However, these two types of Governmentium have different spins, which manifests itself through their interactions with Medium, a type of Capitalium, which has the ability to pick up Governmentium and Capitalium spin, and then broadcast it to nearby peons.

There is a controversy on this however, as many people seem to think that there is confusion between Capitalium and Corporatium.

Corporatium is the heavy element as described, while Capitalium is a catalytic metal also found in all naturally-occurring Governmentium and Corporatium alloys.

Within these new discoveries, one other heavy element was recently found to naturally occur in the above reactions.  It has been named, Ublamehium